I wanted to offer a quick story that might give some of
When we brought our daughter home at the age of 4, from
an orphanage in Siberia, she was RAD...all the way. We didn't know it at
the time, but now that I have had time to read more about it, I can see
that she scored high marks on all of the RAD lists!
She used to grab us and march around ever-so-proudly announcing that we
were her "mama and papa". She also called us "sh*t-head" in her slang
Russian, and would enjoy ripping the heads off of all the "mommy dolls."
When she was bad, she would throw tantrums for 3 to 5 hours, screaming
and pounding on anyone and anything in the area. I used to put in
ear-plugs and hold her as tight as I could while she tried to claw me. I
figured that she had not had a chance to be a baby, and so
I decided that I would try to take her back to the bad times and let her
re-live them with a better outcome. I haven't had a chance to read any
of the books that you all have mentioned, but I think I must have been
on the right track. I would hold her and rock her like a baby (although
she hated it when anyone would try and comfort her). One night, as we
rocked and she screamed....I started trying to breathe exactly as she
was breathing (fast). Then I gradually slowed my breathing and she
followed. HEr breathing slowed and she began to stop screaming. I said
(in Russian) "I love you. Your mama loves you. Don't be afraid. You are
safe." I repeated this over and over again, and she started to quiet
down. Then, suddenly I felt her whole body go limp in my arms, and she
started to whimper like a baby. I held on. THen, she began to take the
shoulder part of my t-shirt into her mouth, and was sucking on it like a
baby. It was as if she returned to her infancy, and came out of it a
newer and healthier baby. Her tantrums dramatically changed after that
night, and she never refused comfort again. She still drives me crazy,
but it is as if there is a little soul there that did not exist before!
Good luck to you all.
can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness."
"It takes both rain and
sunshine to make a rainbow."