Cneisen

Our son, Daniel, was adopted from Romania on November 1st, 1998. From his birth on May 18th 1996 until October 23 1997, Daniel's birth mom cared for him and tried to support him. In October of 1997, she went to the county committee for Child Protection and left Daniel there. Court records state her reason as  she no longer wanted to raise him;. At that time Daniel was very thin, and presented advanced psycho-motory retard. Daniel was referred to Doina Munteanu. His mother never visited her son and gave her agreement for adoption. Daniel stayed with Doina for the next year, and saw children come and go through the foster home.

We first saw Daniel on November 1st, 1998, the day we gained him as our own son, the day we met him. We traveled to Romania to get him, stayed with a host family for a week, and then brought him home to Detroit Lakes. I (Connie) stayed home with him during that November and December.

After Daniel became fairly comfortable with us---probably after six months, he gradually became more demanding, more controlling, and harder to handle. Daniel's activity level has escalated over time to the point at which when Daniel is in the room, it is virtually impossible to do anything but what he wants to do or impossible to pay attention to anything but Daniel (e.g. damage control). In April of 2000, our daycare provider informed us she could no longer take care of Daniel because of his activity level. Yet another disruption in his life. We found another provider, and she is wonderful she understands redirection and positive reinforcement, and in this environment Daniel did quite well.

Spring went into summer, and we tried our best to enjoy Daniel, and to have him enjoy the summer. We took up bikeriding, and by doing something we all enjoyed the summer seemed to go by quite well. As fall approached, and routines changed, Daniel's aggression has gradually increased. By February, we could not even hold a conversation without interruption. Daniel threw tantrums (quite destructive and aggressive) often, there were only two people aside from Greg and I that could watch Daniel outside of the workday. The final straw for us was New Years Eve----we had gone to a movie, and checked back with Greg';s parents when the movie was over to see how things were going. Daniel had thrown himself into a tantrum, and ripped open gifts, thrown toys around the house, ripped Greg';s Mom's shirt, and was an absolute disaster. When we arrived at their house to pick them up, it was not a very happy sight to say the least.

Over our history of dealing with Daniel's behaviors, we read all the parenting books, tried time-outs, spanking, taking away privileges, talking things out,.any number of things. Thus far everything has had very temporary results with very little success. We’ve recently tried “holding” therapy—and while this does work it needs to be repeated often and is quite hard on us especially when Daniel is feeling aggressive.

Both Greg and I want to have more peace at home, and we want Daniel to be happier. Every day seems to be a bit of a struggle for him, and for us. Until aggression entered the picture, we were fairly confident Daniel would grow out of this temper tantrum throwing, controlling phase---but he is now to the point that he’s not only a danger to us at times, he’s also a danger to himself. A 5-year old who does not listen to his parents (e.g. don’t run into the street, don’t talk with strangers, don’t wander off in the mall, don’t eat that) is a certain danger to himself. As parents, Greg and I want to better understand how to best parent a child like Daniel so that Daniel is happier with himself, and our home is a more peaceful place. We want to help Daniel come to terms with what has happened in his past so he can move forward with his life with out that “I don’t know why I’m sad” cloud hanging over his head.

We've been participating in therapy since February, and have seen a lot of success...some days are certainly more trying than others, however! I'm looking forward to the support of this network and not having my every concern brushed off as "he's just being a boy" or "he'll grow out of it". I don't know many "regular" kids who have bm and urine accidents at will, or who are mean to animals just to "see what will happen."

Our Daniel is a wonderful child, and we've been entrusted to give him all the love and care we have in our hearts. And we do...it's just that some days it's not enough! :o)