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I found this site late last night (4/14/01). I may have found a place where someone can understand the craziness of the last four years.

We adopted our son in 1994. He had been in 4 previous placements. He had attachment issues. We did bonding strategies successfully. We adopted again in 1997. Our two daughters had no diagnoses. One year later we took them for a psychiatric evaluation. They have both been diagnoed with RAD, PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, and possible FAE. Our journey began four years ago with noticing how scattered and unresponsive my daughters were and how affectionate they were to strangers. Our whole extended family was convinced that I was unfair, mean and not a good mother. I finally got them to a psychiatrist and found some books about adopting older children. Our regular therapist had me jumping through hoop after hoop. Somehow it was my responsibility for my kids to attach and get well and our fault if they didn't.

I spent the next year taking kids to lots of therapy from the psychiatrist, adoption therapist, attachment therapist and all the usual appointments as well as working parttime. I found Nancy Thomas and started applying her suggested methods. I got a lot of help there but my husband did not agree with me and simply wanted me to tolerate everyone's behavior. Our home became like an insane assylum. I was loosing my ability to parent effectively. I was taking ST. John's Wart herbs and the psychiatrist wanted me to take prozac. I decided against it. My husband was siding with my youngest daughter who had become "Daddy's Little Girl". Our marriage was dissolving. I just wanted out. My son was getting very angry and my oldest daughter was trying to attach amid the chaos. I was struggling to keep going.

My Mom took my son and I to Hawaii the third year. During that vacation I had fun and realized that I had not felt OK in a really long time. I determined to get my life back.

When I returned, I talked to our respite provider about a long term placement for my youngest daughter. My husband was gone a lot being a fire fighter. I told him that I was not going to do this anymore. Meaning that I would not continue to do everything and hold the whole mess together. I was physically and emotionally beyond exhaustion. She went to spend a year in the theraputic respite care home close to our house. things immediately got a whole lot better. I was amazed as I knew it was not just her but the whole dynamic. We began to heal.

Meanwhile, my daughters's birth grandparents became available to parent again. I have made a decision to allow them to parent my youngest daughter. My husband did not like the idea but decided to stay with the family. So on we go as four. My older RAD daughter seems easy after this. Well I have run out of time. God Bless everyone. I aminterested to know if anyone else has relinquished. I have felt so badly about this but know that I am not alone.


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