Lani

I met my son when he was 21/2 years old.
I was his preschool teacher but I was his older brothers first.He came into my office with a hat on and a very mad look on his face,I ask him why he was mad,he said his Mom has buzzed his head and he was sad. Those were the most words I had ever heard him say.He started our program that fall;boy was he an active,energetic,
hell bent for election boy.That must have been our year because we 7 others just like him.It was enough for you to question whether you wanted to continue as a teacher. But we continued.Within six months he was placed with his 3 brothers in foster care.Within 2 years they were all up for adoption. Our child had no one even asking about him or caring .Foster home was providing basic care and getting more and more frustrated with his behavior they had never had anyone who acted like him or his older brother.Subsquently his older brother was removed because of very severe behavior problems aimed at hurting himself.His brother was sent to a facilty for two years. We knew the foster parents and visited him frequently.Took him on approved outings.The Honeymoon period,great time was had by all.Little did we know what was instore for us.We
just couldn't believe the stories his foster parent told us we thought,wrongly now,it was because their grandchildren were there,to many foster children,to many things going on.But now we have an inkling of the beast within.RAD.He was placed on Ritalin in Kindergarten to help forcus.It didn't ,the rages got worse and worse.He spent more time out of school then in.He has been in therapy since he was two to no avail.His therapist all,according to him, also abandon him just like his pareents."there must something wrong with me ,I am a bad person."We got him when he was six and raging hourly.It took six months of to other, people strange behavior,but to us it helped to calm him down without hurting him.Unbeknown to us Parents of RAD children must be very quick and creative in their approaches to helping these children become whole and reaching their potential.However in dealing daily one also must be solid and know who they are so that the RAD child "can't get you".
Because we live in very rual area services aren't readily available.And to get the right services we have to drive
10 hours round trip. Or even stay over night.Thank God for adoption support we couldn't begin to pay for all the evaluation,assessements,etc. needed.My mother thinks I am crazy for taking on the challenge of this child,She says she dreads the phone ringing and someone telling her he has killed us.We are fortunte ,I think,that he rages like a two year old.He is both afraid and fascinated by knifes .He actually gets surprised when he cuts himself because it hurts.He doesn't have sadist need to hurt animals,he has some fire problems but at this point he is aware of the danger and is respectful of the mighty flame.He is into squirt guns and lego guns. This is our newest battle zero tolerance no guns at all in our home.Others might think this is a puny battle but its the zero tolerance he must learn because public school can't ,won't put up with any of his behavior he already been expelled for six weeks for bizzare sexual comments and for threating to shoot someone ,of course he has no access to a gun,period.He was expelled nonetheless.We choose to homeschool for this year because it is the middle school years and we just felt he wasn't old enough for middle school;however the school keep telling us we were wrong,He has been in school since he was three, a layoff of nine months won't hurt him.In nine months his hormone level has increased 200%,his height has
increased almost 12 inches but he still has tantrums like a two year old.He takes wo dexidrine spansil and a Buspar in the morning to help focus and the anixety.It probably takes the edge off but he can still rage instanly. He also suffers from
OCD,Perseveration and denial that he does
anything wrong.He is very intelligent,
very verbal.And we know that we are very lucky in that he has bonded to us because he has my partners aches and pains and my gift for words.Now if he would just let us parent him and be the cute little charmer with us that he is with the neighbors boy, would we have a blast.
Now we begin with youth at risk again,school again,differnt meds ,differnt
diagnosis(Bipolar?)Its summer time,camp
vacation,camp, trips with posse counselor,
counseling. But its sad because he is still alone,trying to figure what fun is,is he having fun yet.Why don't people like me? Are questions he ask me.I,tell I don't have the answers he has to find them but I can help if he will trust me and there is the rub,the saga to my story the day to day struggle to meet my son's need to trust an adult,not any adult.But one that says I love you and it doesn't hurt him.
Thank you letting me expound. If anyone has suggestions or camps for RAD children please send word to me Lani,190 Dickey Lane Forks,Washington 98331 We are working currently with a counselor ,locally who has two RAD children, she shares small glimpes of her life and family with my partner and me and it helps to have that been there done that or no haven't but will try it.