Pat

I finally "awoke" to what is going on here with my now (ugh!) 35 year old daughter, and my own PTSD. I guess I needed to fall that far, into complete depressive reaction, and non-functioning, to assess what my child's problems are related to, on a feeling level, as opposed to an intellectual awareness ( I am a psychotherapist !!!!)Boy, this is certainly ( for me) hopeful, although I realize I may never have a real child, so to speak, and that's ok. My only interest is that if there is any help available for both of us at this point, I need it like I need oxygen. As a resercher, it is imperative for me to completely understand the etiology and development of such a disorder, no matter what I may have to "swallow" to learn more. I was 19 when my daughter was born,I was alone, with no help from anywhere. She was left alot in daycare, with babysitters, and so forth so I could try to go to school and making a living to keep us alive. She also had physical problems, that I now know were episodic Infantile Epilepsy...terrifying by the way.After several non-productive pediatrician visits ("Oh she's just angry because she falls when walking, and then holds her breath ...the little devil !")NO NO NO I would say to them....I was twenty at the time, with a very bad depressive disorder of my own. I finally gave up, and dealt with these odd "fits" myself....having no idea what was happening to her.
She, of course, exhibited terrible learning skills ...of a undetermined nature ...said the social workers at school, I had to fight to get her special needs help back then, I did.
And now we barely speak. She lives five minutes from me, and never comes here. I know very little about her adult life , who her friends are, where she goes, what illnesses she may have,everything is a total secret. She. like her father, has a very weird thing about money...I have never met anyone so cheap (hoarding) in my life, except her father !!! Is that something others have seen ?
I have gone thru hell about her, as I have not understood. The pain has been unbearable, and of course I am contantly blamed and drugged by therapists and psychiatrists. Finally, just in these last few days of suffering through this PTDS, and saying I HAVE to get off these stupid drugs they are inhibiting my natural abilty to think, have insight, gather info, extrapolate, and so forth, I woke up just "knowing, " this was my daughter's problem.
Although certainly not the best diagnosis in the world, at least I feel I know.
Only from here could I go forth.
I apologize for writing so much here, I am so overwhelmed with a sense of "the mystery is over" that I just can't stop writing, please bare with me !
Thank You,
Patricia  MA LPC
New Jersey

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