Vicki

Hi. My name is Vicki, I'm 42 and live about an hour from St. Louis, Missouri. I have a 19 yr. old bio son whom I parented pretty much on my own for 10 yrs. I remarried in 1993 to a wonderful man who had no children and wanted them desperately. We tried for 5 yrs. and the fertility doctor could find no reason why we weren't getting pregnant. Just when the next option seemed to be artificial insemination, we just decided not to proceed. We were so involved with our church and our bus ministry (picking up kids on church bus; visiting them on Saturday to make sure there were coming on Sunday - the kids whose parents don't come to church and pretty much just use us as a babysitter). We figured the "bus kids" would be "our kids". I didn't know how true that would become until a couple of years later. We had been in our new home about a year when at 39 yrs. old I finally conceived. Our precious little baby boy, Paul, was born in 1997 to the proudest Mom, Dad and 16 yr. old brother you can imagine. Having another infant after 16 yrs. really took it's toll on me emotioinally, especially since my husband travels and I'm doing this all alone during the week. When Paulwas 9 months old, Renee's grandmother ("Mom" to her) died of cancer. Grandpa was distraught and not getting any younger and wanted Renee' to have a home with a mother and father, so here we are....... She was 5 yrs. old almost 6 when she came to live with us. At church, she was this sweet, adorable, shy little girl. I had absolutely no idea what we were in for. On her first visit she tormented the baby for 3 days before I figured out what was going on. It didn't take me long to realize I couldn't leave them alone together. My husband was gone this weekend so I was concerned he would think I was crazy when I told him what I suspected. I was so relieved when he told me he thought he had noticed some disturbing behavior as well. I knew something was VERY wrong, so I went to the book store and found Dr. Keck's book, "Adopting the Hurt Child". I thought he had written the book about her. Ours was a private adoption (family to family), so had no knowledge of adoption subsidies. I was just waiting until the adoption was final, so she would be covered on our insurance to get her/us some help. Of course, they're only going to cover a $1000.00. After 2 yrs. of wondering if we just had a personality clash or if I just couldn't deal with having another woman(?) in the house of if I was just expecting too much (in general, wondering if I was the crazy one) we finally got help, but not before I started on antidepressants. Once I realized her problem seemed to be attachment disorder, I started searching the web for help. I found this website and others and started reading all the information I could. One of the mothers even helped me find a therapist here in our area. Prior to that, the closest one was 2-3 hrs. away. Oh, we had done some counseling set up through the school. We went 6 weeks and that was a waste of time. He thought everything was just fine. I spoke to a counselor even closer to home and she knew nothing of what I was talking about and she supposedly works with adopted children all of the time.

I was advised by one of the parents on the support group that Nancy Thomas' books and videos were a must. Boy, was that a Godsend. I'm finally back in control of my home and have a new sense of "empowerment". I've prayed and prayed and prayed and God is finally sending me answers. I knew he was trying to teach me something in all this. Of course, I still don't know what that is.......

I'm keeping all of you in my prayers and if anyone learns any new information regarding RAD or funding for parents in our situation, please e-mail me at vkmorioni@aol.com