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Author Topic: Finding My Joy  (Read 16953 times)
anne
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« on: February 01, 2013, 09:12:58 AM »

I realize this may have been said before, so much better, but it was on my heart today, to share this...

Nehemiah 4-6

This morning in my devotionals I was reminded to choose joy.  This has been a resounding theme between God and I, sending sermons, devotionals, songs, etc.: I am to find my joy.  How?!  I'm in the midst of all this chaos and pain.  My circumstances are beyond what 'normal parents' would ever endure and there seems to be no end.  The answer keeps coming back, find your joy.  Alongside that was another theme:  Stand. Stand firm and fast in my faith.  Put on the whole armor of God (whcih by the way, have you noticed there is a breastplate but no back plate?).  Then, there is the series I've been listening to about Nehmiah.   Nehemiah was called to rebuild the wall.  There was nothing enouraging or joyous there.  He was faced with despair, discouragment, and destruction.  Opposition faced him from without (hard but endurable) and within (for me, crippling) the rubble of what were the walls of Jerusalem.  God has been giving me the tools to find my joy, but to do this, I must stand.  I must stand firm in His love for me, my family, my child who is driving me out of my tree!  I must stand firm in His truths, not letting the opposition overwhelm me with it's lies.  I must stand firm in allowing Him to love others through me, for I am His hands and feet.  It's hard.  It's perhaps even impossible.  Yet He calls me to do this.  Why?

God calls me not to fight, or lead the charge, but to stand.  Just stand.  Hm.  On the battlefield of raising RADlets I am so tempted to fight, to lead the charge, to make these children change because I really can see what's best for them and they can't....(breathe) ... but that is NOT what God is calling me to do.  All He asks of me is to stand.  That's it.  Huh?  Well, when Nehemiah had opposition from without, it came when the walls weren't completed, so to defend the city, the people were called to stand in the gaps.  That's what God is calling me to do.  Stand in the gap.  Don't worry about what else is going on around me.  Stand and defend this post right here, right now.  Just the gap, God?  Yes, child, just the gap.  Stand.  Be courageous because I the LORD am going out before you to fight and win these battles, I ask that you fill the gap.  Stand your ground.  You are too weary to fight, to weary to take the offensive, but you are needed to stand.

Ah, standing.  At first I'm leaning on my sword (Bible) to just hold me upright.  Then, as I stand, I realize that I am able to stand and fill the gap.  When things come at me, I can handle them, because the Lord is already leading the way.  I have His walls to my either side and all I have to do is fill the gap.  I CAN do this!  Soon, my shoulders are back, my head is up, and I am feeling courageous because all I am doing is what my God has asked, and I'm standing because He gave me only what I can handle, while He does the rest.  My feet get numb sometimes, my back aches, the armor is sometimes heavy, but I can stand, and even lean on His Word, my sword.  Oh, and my unprotected back?  I'm standing and facing the direction the attacks are coming from, but God, in His wisdom, has placed others who are also standing, around me, so in the end, we are all protecting each other, while we stand.  Together.  We stand.

So, where's the joy?  Well, in the process of standing, once I'm actually on my feet and balanced, I have the energy to look around.  God has placed me in a position where I can see where He's been and how He's been battling.  I can see the ground He's taken and the mercy He's shown.  I'm looking up and seeing that there is a plan and a path, even though I don't see the final battle's end.  But I know that He has that all mapped out, and I, I'm smiling!  I've found my joy because I'm standing and now able to look up to Him.

LORD,
May I have the strength to keep standing and looking up to You.  And, when I falter, when I fall, help me to remember, always, that You are only asking me to stand and have already given me what I need to do so.  You are calling me to be a faithful parent, not a succesful one.  To You, be the glory.  To You, be the honour.  Thank You, that I have the privilege of standing in this gap, and thank You, that You equip me to do just that.  Thank You especially for Your love in Jesus.  Amen.
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Darlins are bio sibs -Dd20 (RAD, GAD-NOS, PTSD, Bipolar? ABC?), Ds18 (AD,CP,PDD-NOS,PTSD); adopted at 6 and 3.5 yr
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« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2013, 04:25:38 PM »

Anne, thanks for posting these thoughts today.  I've thought lots about joy (or the lack of it), and have wondered often what I'm supposed to do to "manufacture" it.  Every once in a while it takes me by surprise, though....

I really appreciate the word picture you've painted of the warrior standing in the gap.  I forget what you've mentioned, that from that position we can better see what God is doing.
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« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2014, 09:23:42 PM »

Thank you for posting this wonderful insight and encouragement.
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Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us... Rom 5:3-5
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« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2014, 07:59:58 AM »

So glad it helped you, as it helped me to write out my thoughts.  There are some days all I can do is stand.  But that's not so bad!  I'm too weary and just starting to heal now. I'm content to let God do the battles, I'll stand where He puts me and give Him the honour and the glory.   
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anne
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"Good question! Next Question!
"His grace is sufficient...always strength comes for the task."
"Hope on, Hope ever!"
"I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to!"
Darlins are bio sibs -Dd20 (RAD, GAD-NOS, PTSD, Bipolar? ABC?), Ds18 (AD,CP,PDD-NOS,PTSD); adopted at 6 and 3.5 yr
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« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2014, 08:09:58 AM »

This was powerful for me to read as well! Thanks!
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DD 15-adopted ADHD, ODD
DS 12-bio no issues
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« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2014, 09:18:58 AM »

I've also been thinking about "joy" lately, or more specifically, the lack thereof, where being a mom is concerned. Doesn't the Bible speak about the "joys of motherhood"?

What dh and I keep coming back to is that God was in ds10's adoption from the very beginning. We left every detail up to Him--whether or not to adopt, what age, what gender, which particular child. We asked him to stop the process if adopting was not in His will. He didn't stop it and there was no question of which child was to be ours. The process happened like a well-oiled machine.

So, since this is clearly the child that God had/has in mind for us, He must have equipped us to parent him. And where there are gray areas (and there are lots of them!), that's where our full reliance on God comes in. I can stand, with His help. I'm glad He is a God of mercy and second chances. (It's at the bottom of all of my posts.)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2014, 06:32:34 PM »

I have to remind myself that God placed my gs in our lives.  God gave us a mission and that is to love, care,  and be an advocate for this child. It is so easy to get depressed and tearful. I don't understand why things happen like it did. I don't understand why God took my son and left us with a difficult child at age 56. I do know God is in control and I am to trust him. My dh and I were told once by RTF supervisor to get a life and stop worrying about gs (she said a lot of aweful things to us that day). We are chosen by God to worry what happens to this child. God made it a big part if our lives.  God never gave up on us. We will not give up on our gs. I pray my gs's faith grows and is able find real love. I believe without Christ,  he can't truly heal.
Thank you Anne. I too will stand. I will wear my breasted plate. I will fight this battle in  Christ.

I am thankful I found friends like all of you. You are all special. love4
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« Reply #7 on: February 24, 2014, 07:08:30 AM »

Beautiful, Anne.
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« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2014, 10:17:21 AM »

Older post, but timeless message, thank you. 
I just wrote a letter for our lawyer that will be given to our grandson's caseworker, GAL, foster family, etc. Our gs is attempting to manipulate and triangulate our family by getting an order to suspend visits with me but wanting them with grandpa.  We took a stand that it is not in his best interest to make & receive that demand and neither of us will visit until such time as he will see both of us. 
And we still expect CPS to follow their caseplan and get him to our family counseling that they have neglected for more than 7 months now.
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« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2014, 01:20:24 PM »

Yeah, I got the same demands, though after both DD's turned 18.

I am the demon lady, not their grandma.
They only want Grandpa in their lives.

Why?  B/c I was their primary caregiver.  I was home while DH was over the road.  So I was the "NO" person to their ridiculous requests.
Of course they hate me.  Then my DH would come home, not knowing  about the crap, as only I had dealt with it, seen it.  And they would play him over and over for everything they could get.  Trianglulate big time; and he feel for it; RADsnacked!

So of course they want him back.  They think he is still good for the money when they ask.  If they can get him to divorce me, his wife of 25 yrs, they would.

Video now seen by my DH, explained A LOT!!!!  There is no way they are divided us now!  Dh feels like such a fool having fallen for their crap for so long.

But as we have a life together, more and more, he can live with being the fool................once. Evil  It sure won't happen again as he has slammed the door (literally on 1 DD), when they attempted to rebuild the relationship with him, and only him.
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1= AGD24, DEPRESSION, DIGESTIVE STRESS Dx, EX-SWP ASTRANGED. BIO SIS TO AGD22.
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anne
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« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2014, 04:21:50 PM »

I'm glad you posted, OHGrandma and Cher!!!  It got me to reread this and reminded me of how we need to be strong within our own families and with/for each other.  Lately all I'm doing is standing - rather precariously I must admit.  But being with such great company, I'm finding at least my smile.  Thanks!
 wave coffee2 coffee2
anne
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"Good question! Next Question!
"His grace is sufficient...always strength comes for the task."
"Hope on, Hope ever!"
"I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to!"
Darlins are bio sibs -Dd20 (RAD, GAD-NOS, PTSD, Bipolar? ABC?), Ds18 (AD,CP,PDD-NOS,PTSD); adopted at 6 and 3.5 yr
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« Reply #11 on: June 03, 2014, 05:50:49 PM »

Anytime, Anne! wave wave
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1= AGD 22,ODD&RAD&BPD&CUTTER&FAE, SUICIDAL,DRUG ABUSER & DRUNK.
1= AGD24, DEPRESSION, DIGESTIVE STRESS Dx, EX-SWP ASTRANGED. BIO SIS TO AGD22.
1 AD40 METH ABUSER
1 AD42 DRUNK, METH/ DOM. VIOL. BIO MOM OF DGD22 AND DGD24.
DS32 & DD43 NO ISSUES.
8 OTHER GRNDS/6 GRT GRNDS (UNKNOWN)
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« Reply #12 on: June 03, 2014, 09:37:45 PM »

SOOOOO glad this got bumped up!   Anne, this is just beautiful and so encouraging as well.    Thank you, then and now.   (thx OHgrandma for finding it!)

And OHGrandma...good for you for refusing to let GS triangulate and try and divide you and "grandpa"...United we stand in Radland!!
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bio dd35  freakishly sweet 
bio ds32  recklessly loving
bio ds27  frightfully kind
adopted sibling group at ages 10, 6 and 4
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ads27  FAE/rad, we're still looking for a conscience, estranged
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« Reply #13 on: June 03, 2014, 10:54:56 PM »

SOOOOO glad this got bumped up!   Anne, this is just beautiful and so encouraging as well.    Thank you, then and now.   (thx OHgrandma for finding it!)

And OHGrandma...good for you for refusing to let GS triangulate and try and divide you and "grandpa"...United we stand in Radland!!

You know what?  That decision has brought the most peace about our situation with GS than anything else.  I have tried to maintain my authority over GS and have been undermined by the caseworkers telling him things like "he's more mature than me", "I'm intimidated by him", etc.  Nope!  And we will stand firm against his attempts to manipulate us.  That's why this thread struck a chord within me.
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anne
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« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2014, 02:50:44 PM »

OHGrandma,
And standing firm is much easier than trying to get them to heal, to change course, etc..  In the end, it's the best way to work with RADdishes.  Stay strong!
 coffee2
anne
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"Good question! Next Question!
"His grace is sufficient...always strength comes for the task."
"Hope on, Hope ever!"
"I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to!"
Darlins are bio sibs -Dd20 (RAD, GAD-NOS, PTSD, Bipolar? ABC?), Ds18 (AD,CP,PDD-NOS,PTSD); adopted at 6 and 3.5 yr
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